12:49AM – Watching SVU with Jude. Intro is the view of an opulent church, specifically the confessional booth. Cut to Stabler giving confession over whatever heart-wrenching bullshit his job at Special Victims Unit has brought to his psyche and me telling Jude “I could suck your dick there. I’m sure those little grated windows slide over and we could fit your dick right through. It’d be beautiful.”

I am a pervert and I will succeed because I am a pervert.

1:11AM – I feel hope even if it’s inflated mostly by booze and a Pennifer. It’s there and I know for a fucking fact that it can’t manifest from substances alone. I’m scared, riddled with anxiety, but at the bottom of the jar there’s still hope.