I ask the universe for drugs and then get impatient and she over delivers. I can’t even really be that mad. I got exactly what I wanted and more. While I am aware of just how stupid it is to utilize or start to depend on something to work, this job, even with augments, is slowly driving me insane. Or killing me.

Either or.

This week I had a “youth pastor” who had been trying to do C2C for the last few months, our schedules were never close enough for it to work. He had been self-described as having “very dark” thoughts, think a gooner version of Dexter and instead of a detective for a local cop shop, the shepard for the youths. Whatever. He was obsessed with MY obsession with the occult and my Satanism. I wonder if I can just C&P the conversation.

—do this later—

Anyway, his C2C session never happened because if you think you’re going to pay me to get off to confessing to being a predator, you’re fuckin’ wrong.

——

Otherwise, work has been slow-ish. Partly because of an orange idiot destroying the economy in the country he “serves” and in turn, everywhere else too.

—-

I can’t accurately sum up how completely ass backwards here, even as far as America goes. My ability to really get in the mood enough to properly write about anything is dulled this year so far. I have glimmers of means and motive to tap out something worthwhile, but it’s so rare. The panic of trying to survive and then try to thrive is a creativity killer. Capitalism is a creativity killer. It can only poorly mimic what true artists can do. I wouldn’t quite classify myself in line with such amazing folks, yet. But the hatred capitalism has for them or anyone who aspires to be like them is insanely clear.

All my 30’s has been an increasingly rapid and vast discovery of how fucked up everything is and why. Also, the realization that there’s very little one person can do to change it. Most of the time. There’s brief little holes in history where it appears that a single soul can actually cause enough chaos to change things, but by and large they have a group of people providing supporting actions and words to help the main person’s cause.