I was helping Jude move the fan in the bedroom, he didn’t know the rotation was on and kept telling me to stop rotating it when I’d already stopped. It was a like a Three Stooges sketch with only Curly and Larry. A Two Stooges sketch if you will. All while I’m wearing a slut-top for funnsies and my boob has popped out while I was adjusting the damn fan. I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else if I’m honest. This dude fits my weird, accidentally hilarious little self. His lore is amazing. He’s gorgeous and his level of silly shit just amplifies that in the chuckle-slut parts of my brain.

Law and Order is getting weird, brb.

—-

STABBERS!

—-

I’m so sick of pharmaceutical commercials. Jude and I have taken to making up reasons for some of the side effects, specifically of one drug. Cloaca drug. Gives you a rash/lesions between your “anus and genitals”. It also can cause you to lose use of your legs or maybe it’s sores there too. The theory is: snake people. Give everyone a cloaca and make them slither around because they can’t use their legs.

Not serious in any way shape or form, but it distracts from the bullshit of being advertised an insane amount of drugs, most of which act to counteract the side effects of other drugs. Imagination is the last shield we have from capitalism. If they take that, we’re fucked.

—-

“Am I blocking your wind” – me referring to the fan

Without missing a fuckin’ beat: “Baby, you are my wind.” – Jude

My favorite human being that I have no familial ties to. My favorite in general.

I was stunned falling in love with him. Literally. In awe. Awesome in the origin meaning of the word. So perfectly for me.

I guess that’s why any thought of losing him feels physically painful and activates every single coping mechanism I’ve found in this weird little trip to Hell.

—-

Learning what a hostile witness is from L&O.

“Dun dun” Take a drink.

This lady is a terrible therapist. I wonder how brutal SVU will be tonight?

—-

Being with someone who is as creative and weird as you are is a blessing. And funnier than I am. Now that is a new experience in general. Someone who actually likes my company if I’m being honest. And smarter than me most of the time.

The SVU is a rerun. The little idjit in it named Bryce (Brice?) has his passcode on his phone as 6969. Lol.

—-

The fucking neighbors stopped by for cigarettes I assume. I wonder why Jude always shares with them. It’s fucking obnoxious. Not him. His kindness is inspiring if it’s based in actual kindness and not some sense of owing them for something. But their greed is obnoxious. Their presence is obnoxious. And I’ve had the displeasure of hanging out with half them, the one that shares my name. I don’t understand, but then again I haven’t liked a neighbor since I lived next to a dude named Lucifer.

Maybe it is out of the kindness of his heart. Maybe it’s not. Not really my current concern. I just know meth heads flock together (her old man is one) and usually if you live with one, you’re on the shit yourself.

It’s not distrust, just confusion. And overthinking absolutely everyone’s motives for anything. I really have to fully relearn trust or I’m gonna be stuck reincarnating to this shitty species. Learn not to take it so personally when someone breaks it. It’s not a me problem, it’s them 1000%.

—-

AI is gonna fuck us into a deeper level of stupidity and uselessness. It’s already started. Please just don’t let it become a ‘I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream’ situation. Everything else is already pretty insane, I am not sure civilization as it stands now could take it. We’re one bad week away from total collapse if history has taught me anything. And a bad week is pretty eventual and relative at this point. We’re actively attacking other countries, destroying our own bit by bit and sleep walking through it all.

But there exists a device to provide all the viruses we could want to watch and all the bread we can use our meager earnings to have delivered. If they shut that down somehow or make it inaccessible while all this is going on, the ruling class better hope it’s bunkers hold and aren’t easily found.

AI can’t really figure out how to properly and convincingly replicate my face, the few times I’ve bothered to try and use it. So that’s nice at least. I can barely figure out my face so it makes sense.

—-

Watching Send Help now. This shit is a perfectly crafted version of whatever level of Hell I’d end up in to successfully torture me. Like right down to the tuna fish scene. The absolute lack of self esteem in the main character. The dismissal of any effort she makes to do better. And we can’t be more than 30 min in. Yeah, this shit is my personal nightmare.

This movie is a shining example of why we won’t ever (in my lifetime) defeat capitalism. The kind (accidentally or intentionally) aid capitalistic intent. Allowing intolerance in an ultimately tolerant society only breeds intolerance.

The absence of action can be as harmful if not more than action itself.

Yeah, no my instincts to just not save/hide from the office guy was correct. And calling out every time he’d fuck up.